Making those tough calls

After I leave I am thinking, who to call, should I call, should I say anything at all. I do not want to worry anyone, but they also have a right to know. Conflicted I call the family Hypochondriac first, my sister. She just knows, not sure how but she does, when something is wrong. I called and asked what she was doing, think she was at home, or maybe she wasn't and called me back shortly afterward. I had planned the call in my head, she was going to freak on me. I planned it wrong. She allowed me to freak. Thanks sis! I told he I had gone to the doc, sure she knew why. We don't have secrets and she asked what they said. I paused. Then told her there was going to be further tests. She asked what tests, apprehensively as she could tell, I am sure, that I was being evasive . I told her they were looking for some stuff. I couldn't say it, wanted to but was afraid, she freak I would cry and it would all be for nothing, and months later she would have one hell of a story to tell everyone and laugh her ass off. Yeah trust me she loves me a lot. So I told her. They wanted to rule something out. Yeah Big pause. Tears on my part, scared just wanting reassurance. She stayed calm. Not her at all. She freaks over someone getting a splinter, I might have cancer, she is calm. What is that about.

I think part of me expected her to freak but I am so glad she let me freak this time, not something I do on a daily basis, tell someone I am scared, terrified. I mean we had just lost our mother less then 6 years ago to cancer.

We talked about all the details, and she got a kick out of the fact of where the scope was going. Can not say I will ever get a kick out of that, and I have not had it yet. She offered to be there the day of the test. I told her I would be fine, even though I was freaking out. This is how awesome she can be. My sister has little money for anything other then food and rent and to buy her son a few things for school. However she would of went without something to make me feel better and came to Boston to make sure I was ok. I love you too sis.

Well as the night goes on I spoke with my best friend, and my dad, bought were the most positive of anyone I spoke with. Could be nothing, try not to worry, etc.

All and all that night I needed both the horrors and the do not worries. Because that is exactly what was going on in my head.

Well after the first night ended I had a few more people spoke to privately just in case it was that, and there my friends and I figured I am going to need the support and did not wan t to shock them with it out of the blue.

Hey pats had a great game huh yeah, nice throw by Brady. No kidding. Oh by the way I have cancer. Diod wleker get the second or third touch down. Kind of not fair. So I spoke with some close friends. On being a motherly type, Mary. She told me to quite smoking right away, which I have already planned. That morning I had one cigerette left smoked it and since, which was 4 days ago have one had 3 puffs of a cigarette, from a pack a day, which 10 years ago was probably 2 packs a day.

The intern I had scene during the initial visit had mentioned like I had said quiting smoking. I called him that night and asked for something to help me,. I got it on the 3^rd day. It was the patch which I have no faith in, but to be honest I was praying it worked, and still am, as I in in the first week, so far, not to bad I do not think.

All in all the first few days where ok, a bit jittery, friends knew I was trying to quite and why. Some gave gum, advice, and lots of good lucks. I need it all. On the 5^th and 6^th day I had not put the patch on, do not know why, forgot, I suppose, because I do not want to smoke, seriously I don't. However on those two days I did have a puff or two, because I knew it would not make me sick. However tomorrow I am putting that damn thing back on.

A few days later she the intern called to say the urine tests came back, showed blood which they expected but nothing else not infections or white cells. OK cool, but they still wanted to get the scope done regardless. Prt of me had already accepted this but part of me was like why bother, but I did not state this. I do not like going to the doctors often.