The appointment

The next day I get up and call the doctors office make an appointment for that day then as the appoint gets nearer I chickened out, didn't go, called and reschedule for the next day. I have no clue why I canceled, laziness on top of being afraid of finding out? Sounds about right. I did go the next day. My doc was booked so I seen an intern.

I know a lot of people do not like interns, feel there to inexperienced, etc. Let me explain a few things. First I was in the medical field for over 12 years, both in the Army and civilian sector. That is bullshit, they all had to start somewhere. I welcome interns. And this doc was not exception. He asked a ton of questions and the one I hate...do you smoke? To which I replied yes and he asked with a smart ass look, how can we help you with that. I instantly;y liked him. He probably noticed I was nervous and was trying to get me to relax a bit. Well as I said he asked a ton of questions family, personal, smoking drinking. And yes I am honest when I answer. If I lie the only one I am screwing is me, so....and since I was already nervous...yeah he got right to the nitty gritty. Told me what he felt was going to happen but had to meet with the resident, and he would bee right back. Prior to leaving he gave me the cup and I knew that was for my urine, and he said they could have it tested for blood as well as cancer cells.

The resident doc was a female I had seen the previous week to have my ear cleaned out as it was blocked with wax. That took me two weeks to go in and do as I tried to take care of it myself. Didn't work.

So she walks in says hello, recognizes me and asked how my ear is, to which I say it is great and thank her profusely for getting the wax out. Trust me there was a lot, and it totally sucked not hearing most of what everyone said for two weeks. So she tells me what her and the inern discussed to which she agreed but like him though more so on further testing. She stated quite clearly that she wanted to rule out cancer.

If I thought I was scared before, I was fucking terrified now. I damn near broke down and cried just hearing her say that. Still now, I am still scared, as from the title, I am waiting to find out.

We talked a bit about the test, basically I am going to have a scope, not down my throat or a colonoscopy but right up my dick. I mean yes cancer, the word even being mentioned, SCARY, but a scope there. Shit.

I spoke with her and the intern about the test, asking them probably what some do and some don't. How often are things found and how often is that found. I asked how soon and the resident scared me a bit as she said as soon as possible, within a month. And unless I was in immediate danger, that is very quick for any specialist. I was more nervous. And I am sure it showed.

After she left I asked the most important question. How big is the scope? He pulled apart a pen, looked then showed me a fairly thick tube the ink was in. and preceded to tell me that is will be uncomfortable. Yeah not kidding! But that they would give me lydocaine and some drugs to relax me. I guess that made me feel better because I am honestly still wrapped around that word (cancer) even though I am trying to keep from thinking about it.