Before I had ever thought of it....

I am 37, single, work hard, a veteran of 12 years. and I have a lot life in me. Or Do I?

I thought I would start this off to before anyone had said we need to check for... it truly was that hard to hear. truly truly truly scared the hell out of me. But lets go back..

I work 40+ hours a week, break a sweat, cut my hands, bruise my arms, etc. yeah basically I work hard, because well, that was how I was raised. hmm and maybe that has more to do with whats going on now then I can imagine.

To be honest the apple did not fall far from the tree. I grew up in a home with smoking, drinking, and hard work. I followed suit. That is what I do. I work hard, I play hard. Though to be honest I do not play as hard as i used to. Not a fan of the hangovers. Guess that is just who I am.

I partied when i was younger, chased women, drank, fell down and drank more. At 20 while stationed in Belgium I started smoking just to get a break during the day. Why, well in the Army it seemed only smokers got breaks, so.....

That was 17 years ago. I have since left the army. but i kept on smoking. My body got older then my mind. Knees back shoulders, and yes Motrin, lol It does help. but most days I am in pain somewhere. Never thought much of it, just pain from doing something i love, being a soldier. I deal with it.

After leaving the service I kept on smoking, did not drink for a number of years, but did smoke. I do not regret it, but feel stupid. I literally have an empty pack of cigarettes on top of my fridge, and there is a sticker that clearly states "Smoking Kills' yeah nothing like ignoring very OBVIOUS signs....Ok so I am not the brightest bulb on the tree. No, it is more then that. Any smoker knows that. but still, what an idiot, I mean I even joked about it. Watched a movie about smoking. Yeah a whole freaking movie on smoking. laughed joked, etc. Like I am special and nothing is going to happen to me.

Yeah that was me 6 days ago. Then something changed. Now i am waiting...